When men are stressed, some studies show that they turn to internet porn. Men tend to deal with stress through escapism, where women tend to deal with it by talking (and eating). Online porn, massage parlors and escort services are cheaper and quicker than therapy, especially if you’ve just lost your health insurance.

Women, it seems are more stressed than men today, as this recession focuses on real estate and thus on people’s homes. This may explain why women may be feeling more anxious than men in this economy.

There is some good news however, a study that correlated Playboy centerfolds with market conditions found that men like fuller-figured women more in lean times than when things are booming.  Score one for the ladies!

One of the most important communication skills is one called “Undefended Listening.”  Couples will often come into my office complaining that they don’t have communication skills, but usually I find they have difficulty listening to each other, each other’s point of view. This skill requires having the ability to “suspend” your thoughts.  In other words, really being present and listening to your partner, not listening with your motor running, ready to lob your next hurtful retort.

This skill is toutedas the number one skill in slowing escalation of conflict and of unproductive arguing.  In other words, really listening to what your partner is saying, attempting to understand.  Be sure to not just listen to the content of what they are saying, but to listen underneath the words to how they are feeling.  Are they feeling hurt? Angry?Not understood?  Alone?  Try to step into their reality, not yours . .. this is called “empathy,” which all successful couples possess.

Obviously,self-restraint is a necessary component of “Undefended Listening,” in order to suspend your beliefs and attend to a complaint your partner may have about you or your behavior.  You’ll have to be aware of any knee-jerk reactions you may have to feeling criticized or being wrong. Choose how you will respond.  A skill I use, is to ask myself, “Is what I’m about to say going to make the situation better?  Or is what I’m about to fire back going to be provocative and incendiary? Don’t forget, if you make your partner your opponent, someone has to lose.  Often when we are defending our position and making our partner wrong . . . we are the ones who lose.

Recently, while coming from a doctor’s appointment, I spied a friend and colleague that I hadn’t seen for a while walking toward me down a hall.  I was delighted to see her and started to speak , when I noticed she had stopped, was blushing and starring down at the floor.  “It’s so great to see you,” I exclaimed, extending my arms. Then I noticed she was wearing a trench-coat, black fishnets and platform stilettos!

“Uh, Ted’s last patient (her husband is also a friend and therapist) is at 5pm.  Sometimes, we play this little game, where I’m a Russian Spy and show up at his office unannounced.”

“Ohhh,” I said amused and thinking Angelina had nothing on my friend and suspecting there was nothing underneath that trench-coat. “Well, that sounds like fun, not to mention hot.”

“Well, gotta go,” I threw over my shoulder with a thumbs up and a win.  “Way to work on the relationship;” and as I exited the building, I heard myself mutter, “You go girl!”